Dr. Carol Clark

Addiction is about stimulation, and fighting is stimulating. That includes fighting with ourselves. How many times a day do you get into an argument with yourself about something you sort of want to do but don’t really? Or argue with yourself about something you think you “should do” but would rather not?

“Should” is a bad word, by the way. It puts the responsibility for our decisions and behavior on an external entity, such as society, a parent, a religion or just “them.” I “should” exercise, I “should” pray on Sunday, I “should” be nice to my Aunt Sally.  We use “should” to control other people, which then alleviates our own insecurities, as in “You should bring me flowers,” “You should call me every day,” or “You should want to have sex with me five times a week.” “Should” leads to guilt or resentment and who says? Change it to “want” or “would like” and you can change your mood
and attitude.

When we argue with ourselves, there is a “should” involved, which leads to increased stimulation for the addict brain. When we really dig deeper to find the meaning underneath the surface “shoulds,” we find that special button that gets
pushed so easily and leads to anger, resentment, and overall disconnection. That button is whatever message you have taken in about yourself that is not rational but was ingrained at a young age when you weren’t even aware of it. That button is the one that says “I’m a failure,” “I’m not important,” “I’m worthless,” or “I’m stupid.” You argue with yourself because you know, cognitively, that it’s not true, but deep inside your limbic system, you fear that it is.

There are various ways to heal from the traumas that caused you to create that button and there are many interventions to change your responses to events that push the button, but meanwhile, how do you not engage in the mental conflict that is so stimulating to your addict brain?

You say “So what?” So what if I’m worthless, so what if I’m not important, so what if I’m a failure, so what if I’m stupid?

So what? Float above it like you float above the rip tide.

Dare to be stupid
(Weird Al Yankovic,)

I encounter a lot of controversy over the concept of addiction as a disease, and while I believe that this had its purpose once upon a time, now I think it is time we moved on from this way of thinking.

Before Bill W. and Dr. Bob created Alcoholics Anonymous and before it was designated as a disease by the American Medical Association, alcoholism was perceived as a moral failing and alcoholics were seen as depraved bums, lying in their own vomit in the gutter. Drinking was part and parcel of society and being able to “drink everyone else under the table” was a laudable aspiration, a sign of virility and strength.  While this mentality persists in many arenas, alcoholism is still mostly acknowledged as a physiological condition that can afflict anyone, from the rich and powerful to the small and meek.

This shift in perception did much to alleviate the shame associated with the condition, which led alcoholics to seek treatment and recovery. It also led to a great deal of research and the development of medical and pharmacological interventions for this disease.

The 1960s and the Viet Nam war brought national awareness to heroin addiction, which proliferated during this time, and while the stigma of being a “junkie” was reminiscent of the old “winos,” treatment centers sprung up and research leading to the use of methadone quickly followed.

The 1980s brought us cocaine and a realization that this was a really powerfully addictive drug, contrary to the current beliefs that, because of the lack of physical dependence, it could be taken without fear of consequences.

The 1990s brought an awareness of “process” addictions, such as gambling, shopping, and sex.  The internet made it all the easier to become addicted to everything that gives us pleasure.

Addict America: The Lost Connection conceptualizes addiction as a state of being that results from our highly stimulated lifestyles of excess.  We are addicted to stimulation, period. Once you are an addict, you can get stimulated by any and everything and will create drama and crisis to just feel normal.

Addiction has moved beyond the disease model. We know enough about the brain now to see addiction as something measurable and observable. Just as we realized that cocaine could be addictive without the physical dependence that alcohol and heroin caused, so now it is apparent that the process addictions do exist and cause physiological and brain chemical changes.

Addiction is not about a moral judgment and it is not about using the disease concept to avoid taking responsibility for one’s behavior. Addiction is obsessive, compulsive, out of control behavior done in spite of negative consequences to self and others. For instance, sex addiction is not even about sex, it is about particular thoughts and behaviors that the brain associates with stimulation and are done more for escape than to feel good.

Addiction is a state of being that prevents intimacy, maintains distance from those we love, perpetuates the restless seeking of more power, money, stuff, and keeps us from appreciating our daily lives.

Recovery is about being present, enjoying each moment, and being aware of our Connection to all living things and accessing the wisdom of the Universe.

So is addiction a disease? Does it matter? A rose by another name…………..

The only thing that matters is the question: Is this for my addiction or is this for my recovery?