You’ve heard the expression “Nature Abhors a Vacuum,” right? Basically, a vacuum, or empty space, cannot exist in nature. Something has to fill it. If you sucked all the air out of an enclosed space and then opened up a hole, air would be sucked right back in.

The same is true in our lives. When we say “I am not going to….. (take drugs, watch online porn, get angry) we create a vacuum. In the absence of anything else with which to fill that empty space, whatever it was we tried to remove from it will be sucked right back in. That is how Addiction Loves a Vacuum. No matter how hard we try to NOT do our addictive behavior, if we leave a vacuum, the addiction will fill it again.

So we need to frame our desires in a positive way. What do we want to do instead of our addiction? Pretty much everyone is able to do whatever they put their minds to, as long as it is framed concretely. “I will eat dinner with my family,” “I will go to a meeting,” or “I will take an hour-long yoga class.”

It is about Intention – the Intention to live in Recovery, the Intention to do those behaviors that are prosocial and health-promoting.

Start each day with an Intention for how you want your day to be, rather than how you do NOT want it to be.

Use the Intention for a Good Day from Addict America: The Lost Connection to make this day a good one!

INTENTION FOR A GOOD DAY

The power of intention is strong indeed. Begin each day with this pledge:

This Day

Will be a good day

I will be present and mindful

I will smile at everyone

I will listen to others and understand their world

I will nurture myself with good food, exercise, and fresh air

I will be nurtured with hugs and smiles

I will trust in the good intentions of those who love me

I will send Light to anyone from whom I perceive harm

I will be the person I want to be

I will be Connected

Addict America: The Lost Connection can be found at Amazon.com.

Last month, I spent two weeks in Ecuador taking a Spanish immersion program.  Ecuador got its name because it is on the equator and during an excursion to La Mitad del Mundo (the Middle of the World) I was literally standing with a foot in each hemisphere.

Standing with a foot in both worlds is a useful metaphor.  When working with past trauma and exploring how it impacts the present, I will ask clients to put one foot in the past and one in the present.  This promotes understanding of how those past events and our beliefs about them are influencing our current interactions.  For instance, when a child is criticized for getting a “B” instead of an “A” on his report card, he takes in the message that he is inadequate.  He carries this into current situations and while his adult brain tells him he is competent and successful, that little child is inside whispering “I’m not good enough.”  The need to prove otherwise forms the basis of the addictive thinking and behavior I describe in my book, Addict America: The Lost Connection.

Putting a foot in both worlds is also a metaphor for empathy.  We disconnect from each other when we live entirely in our own heads and expect others to conform or agree with us.  Moving out of our own worlds in order to enter another person’s world is how we create a safe space for intimacy.  When we have a foot in both worlds, we can truly Connect.

This month, imagine yourself being in two places at once.  Let yourself experience another point of view, another way of being, or, as Jimmy Buffett put it, “Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes.”

A new working definition of Recovery (SAMHSA):

“A process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.”

While my book’s title seems to focus on addiction, the real message is about recovery, which is a state of living and way of thinking that applies to everyone.  Addiction is what keeps us from living in recovery.

This new definition of recovery from SAMHSA is in total congruence with not only the message in Addict America: The Lost Connection, but with many books and movies and music from around the world.  We are all Connected, and these universal themes manifest in so many ways because of that Connection.  Someone once said “There is nothing new under the sun” and this is true because no one has a thought that is not part of that higher consciousness that is available to everyone who opens themselves to it.

This SAMHSA definition expresses so beautifully what it takes to live a fulfilling, satisfying, and joyfully challenging life.  We don’t need money or power or any of the addictive substances or behaviors that we use to fill our emptiness, escape our pain, or to feel important.  We need only to be present, turn our energy outwards to engage with others and make the world a better place, and to fully express our creativity.

Recovery is for all of us.  Make a commitment to this “process of change” and experience the joy of Connection!